Thirty-some years ago when times
were a lot different than they are now, even in the small rural area where we
live, we had a neighbor who was a champion at pulling information out of
people. This neighbor didn’t have any children of her own but she loved children
and they loved her. Occasionally our four-year old daughter, Kelly, would
decide she was going to walk up the road and talk to the neighbor.
Kelly was a talker herself and was
easily enticed to tell everything she knew, or what she thought she knew. As
she was going out the door, I’d always say, “Now Kelly, don’t tell all the
family secrets.” This went on for several months before Kelly stopped as she
was going out the door one day, put her hands on her hips, and with dramatic flair
said, “Just what are the family secrets anyway?” I laughed and told her not to
worry about it because if she didn’t know them, she couldn’t tell them.
Cute stories aside, family secrets
aren’t really anything to toy with. When I was twenty-one, my mother told me a
family secret. I have been burdened with it every day since then. It is a life
changing, hurtful secret for the ones involved. I don’t know what my mother was
thinking when she divulged it to me. Maybe she was looking for a means of confession
and absolution for her part in it. Maybe sharing it with me lessened the load
she carried.
In my research on the word “secret”
as it appears in the Bible, I found Old Testament Hebrew words translate as: to
be ashamed, disappointed, delayed, thing that is hidden, to hide, a mystery,
inward council, weaken or become weak. New Testament Greek words translate as:
hidden inwardly, concealed, and private.
I’m sure my mother was ashamed and
disappointed with herself so she hid it away inwardly. The problem with
delaying the truth is that, eventually, the weight of carrying it weakens your
resolve and you tell someone. For every person who knows the truth of the
situation, there is the additional worry of knowing they might weaken and tell someone.
The cycle continues until the thing that was meant to be hidden, concealed and
private becomes public and it takes on a life of its own, destroying the
lives of those involved.
You may be wondering about now how there
could be anything joyful in this revelation. It is hard to find, but when I dig
deep enough, I do find reason for joy. In the forty-plus years I’ve held the
family secret, I have not weakened. The Holy Spirit has kept my lips zipped anytime
I was tempted to spill the beans. I have spent many sessions with The Father
over this. He has been faithful to answer my questions and show me the
consequences to revealing this truth. Anything that drives you to a deeper
relationship with your Creator brings joy. Two scripture verses have helped me
stay strong.
“Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” Matthew 12:34 NIV
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit
within me.” Psalm 51:10 ESV
What experiences have you had with
keeping a secret? Is there a word of advice you can share with my readers?
This
is the day that the Lord has made. Let us be joy-filled and glad-
Cathy
That one is one of my favorites. Good writing!
ReplyDeleteThanks, MJ! It was the goal setting and accountability that made the difference!
DeleteWonderful testimony to having a deep resolve through the guidance of our Heavenly Father. Thank you for sharing another excellent lesson.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tammy! Though life lessons are often hard, they prove to be the best teachers. Praying blessings over you.
DeleteCathy, just another example of how our Lord takes something the enemy would use for evil, and turns it into something to bring us closer to Him. Love ya.
DeleteCathy, this post really spoke to me. My family is all about secrets. I have seen the burdens that keeping the secrets has caused over the years. It has brought shame, disappointment, and weakness, just like the Greek word indicates. That shame and weakness has grown to encompass other parts of the family member's lives. Lies were also part of the process, because many times lies must be told to cover the secret. The lies have a way of growing out of proportion.
ReplyDeleteI resolved that when I had a family, I would not keep secrets, but would tell my children truths at their level. I kept this resolve, even when we experienced the horror of my father's suicide. Instead of making this a secret, I shared with my children the word 'suicide'. When my daughter (8 years old) asked how grandpa died, I said his heart stopped. This satisfied her until she was older and asked for more details.
Sometimes the secrets are kept because we don't want to burden children. But there are ways to give them enough information to satisfy them at that point, without going into the difficult details.
I have never regretted being open with my kids.
Thank you so much for your insights on this subject. It helped me and I am sure it will help others who read it. The truth is always the best way to go because, as the Bible tells us, the truth will set you free. Ahhhhhh, sweet freedom! May God bless yiou, Debbie!
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